Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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