Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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