You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
