It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
