i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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