Don't you send me to vm
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
