I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
