My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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