I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
two words...techno handjob
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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