Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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