My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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