the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
