i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
