Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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