Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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