I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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