We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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