Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dick very happy bro
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
