I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Help. Why am I so naked?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
