this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
