If i come over, it means nothing
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
from now on my penis is your penis
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Randomize
