did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
