you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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