Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
