last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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