1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
