you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
