Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
