i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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