He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i permit you to call me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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