Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy