And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
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Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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