I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were trust falling into bushes
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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