i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
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That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!