I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
