3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging