I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
