Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
