You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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