you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
