Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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