Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
