New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
