I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
