did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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