I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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