if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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