Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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