like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
