To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
