I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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