Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
