Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
