So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
