remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
