i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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