The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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