this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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