I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
