I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
