As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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