let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
