he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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