I heard we made out
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
