Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Alive.
So much puke
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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