I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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