I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
