So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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