my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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