his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
