Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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