I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
